[Just something I wrote to explain to a friend why I say Take all you can, give nothing back. Paraphrasing only a bit.]
Let’s say, I claim- everything can perfectly operate on take and no gives. Because all we want to do is learn get new stuff be happy ourselves we want to utilise others/everything around us for our amusement. Then one would say…bah, if everyone did that there would be chaos, harm, bad feeling, unhappiness generally. But i’d say nah…there wouldn’t. Because taking is not snatching. Taking is amusement. One person’s feelings are acutely affected by others around him, so if he fails to amuse the other person while taking from him, he himself is left… unamused. But talk of giving, and you’re talking charity, which is…ugh, patronage to some one who you deem is incapable of taking himself, incapable of knowing, what amuses him. That’s real insult. That’s loss of dignity-not taking. Think of a teacher and student. Our society makes us think the teacher is at a higher position…who knows better…who gives and the student has to take but it’s actually a take-take relationship both take from each other in the process both transform each other both stay around till each has used the other to the fullest extent a good relationship is where each grows and not a uni-directional flow and what you learn, what you internalise from the other becomes a part of you. It’s yours, not his. You don’t give it back. You shouldn’t give it back.
I at least dont like to think of a teacher student thing or any relationship for tht matter as giving and taking. Look, giving and taking are themselves terms which are constituted from the assumption that there is something of everyone’s own. Eg. my idea my thought, my property etc. etc. so you think i will “take” from someone- i.e. sthng which is rightfully his, and i will “give” something- which is rightfully mine in the first place…
But when i say “take all” …i am referring to a relationship devoid of such presumptions…regarding this is mine and this is yours…so truly speaking there can be neither giving nor taking, because there is no ownership.
So in such a scenario one will take whatever one enjoys in the true i.e. what one enjoys when one does it rather than an enjoyment derived out of because it LEADS to something. Eg. see the contrast between I write poetry because I like doing it, and I write poetry because I think it’s cool to be a writer.
In the second case, you are not writing poetry for pleasure or amusement. but using it as a means to attain something.
So when I say “take all” what I really mean is take all which gives you pleasure, which you enjoy doing. Take everything from a person which you can. The other person takes everything which he can from you. But not saying that it’s taking in a sense of things which belong to you. Because there is no belonging, or attributes or essential features to define any person. Which means every person can change/keeps changing himself constantly in the process of such taking. And the thing about this taking is that the person you take it from enjoys it because he feels useful. Needed. Second and more importantly he enjoys it because it’s something he likes too, and you showing an interest in the same things establishes a connection.
For example- us having this conversation. We are doing this because we both are having fun doing it. I am not giving you what I know. Rather I am taking from you what you know, only your questions could have formed my answers. Only my answers could form your questions, and thus in a circle. There is no particular aim, or destination to reach via this. We are not doing it (or atleast as I see it) to idk…feel closer to each other or sthng (though that could be corollary consequence) but that certainly is not the aim of this. It’s just curiosity for both of us. A thrill in arguing but not even defending our original stands. It’s about changing our stands anytime it amuses us. It’s about getting new insights for the both of us. It’s about the pleasure of talking about something we are interested in or passionate about.
And if each person could just do this- could just take- absorb gather, rather than give, receive- it would be so much happier. Just people doing things which make them happy. The so-called “selfishness” of humans is not a contradictory notion to happiness or stability in society. What really ruins it is when people are not willing to play, or be amused. When I say play, I mean an unwillingness to take risks or to not know the consequences beforehand, to not know where exactly something is leading…to not have the so called “foresight”.
Play is when people just go with the flow doing a thing not because they know they’re gonna benefit in such and such way from doing it, but doing it because they are having fun doing it. Often said in sport, game that matters because there is no win. Has parallels. (though of course contemporary society has an entirely different notion about sports.)
And when people are not willing to play, insecurities creep in, they have to know the outcome beforehand, because outcomes become way more important than having fun in the process, they have to know where everything is leading. That’s when conflict in society arises, the concept of property arises, me and you as strictly defined concepts arise, and give and take occur.But in play what I am and what you are changes at every point in time and space, how can one then even comprehend give and take as understood in the contemporary sense?
In fact, such “giving” is quite dishonest because it makes you lose something- which you certainly don’t want. It entails sacrifice. It entails weighing of options. All of which are pfffft concepts. Simply because these are dishonest.
But they make you believe it’s a problem when you do everything for yourself. Other people will have problems. Worse, they say, other people will have “legitimate” problems….which means them having problems is justified. Here I’m thinking of problems like jealousy, insecurity, inferiority. The thing is such problems occur only when people are not doing what they like. Not doing what they want to. Not playing. Otherwise they are way too engaged with their own stuff to bother about yours.
So my point- it’s not a problem…Taking. And I dont mean taking in the give-take sense of modern society. I mean taking in the sense of using everyone, everything you want to, to your own for your own amusement. And when you do that, you would not have any problem with others doing the same with you, because hell, youre just not bothered…you re having fun.
And you are not being dishonest about it either. You’re not making it up, youre not choosing it because it’s something you HAVE to do upon “weighing options.” You re doing it simply because that’s what you want to do really actually. That’s what you would do if there was no other consideration. If you were actually free. And this is what freedom means.
And therefore I say, to each one. Take all you can, give nothing back.
